The Way to the One I AM

Welcome back beloved to the place where it all truly began. It is here where you were willing to cast yourself off the cliff and into the abyss of the unknown, leaving behind a conventional life littered with unquestioned cultural conditioning.

It is amusing, is it not, how this Asian island which once was so alien to you, has now imported the very persona and flavor of the place you left. The simplicity and serenity originally found on this remote beach over a decade ago, has now been replaced with the competition and stress that comes with the ways of working in the western world.

The ill-usions of that world are intensifying for those who have not honored their inner vision and set their insights on what within is of real value. Their dissatisfaction grows daily, while the necessary need for detachment becomes more difficult. They are caught in their compulsions to status and security.

But for those who have had their real-eyes opened they are beginning to peer behind the scenes and to notice how flimsy the sets and props are in this play of the world. The value of this true perception is a sense of clarity in the midst of this mind-made chaos. It is this perception that is capable of cutting, like a laser, through the sheer veneer of illusion pretending to be the solid stuff of reality. See for yourself. Start to still your senses and stop distracting yourself sufficiently so you might see what stands beyond this man-made madness.

Peace is not only your nature, beloved; it is also your purpose. As your nature, Peace is synonymous with Presence, Allowance and Contentment. But, as your purpose, peace becomes an all-consuming proposition. Peace literally has the power to eat up illusion. Peace provides the spaciousness inside self where polarity can heal back into unity.

This is a process of dis-illusionment. To become so personally disillusioned with the ways the world is working that you willingly withdraw your time, attention, and energy to its continuation. This is your real job description; healing the world through nothing more than the wholeness of who you are.

Confronting illusion with nothing more than your consciousness, takes enormous courage. Peace is not the passive process you have previously believed it to be. It is the full engagement of your entire Being.

Illusion gains its strength through your physical interactions (positive or negative) with it and emotional reactions (positive or negative) to it. So you cannot fight for or against and illusion for it feds on your focus.
Love lets all things be as they are by letting them go. Love allows anything that has momentarily forgotten its true identity to be restored back to its Original Source, by releasing resistance. Since every aspect of experience on earth has been created from out of your estranged Essence, it is now essential to your Ascension process that these orphaned projections be.

You want enlightenment? Ascension? A new earth? Then transform your perception of reality with the consciousness that created it in the first place. Let go in love. Each time you do so, you deliver a fragment of your separated self back to your shared Source. Heaven and earth, here and now, all you need do is forever hold your peace.

I get awoken early in the morning, around 4:30 a.m. and receive this writing. Being a channel is not the glamorous job it was supposed to be. I’ve been available to receive these messages for more than 25 years. I figure I’ve lost a lot of sleep during that time. It appears I don’t have a choice, although they tell me I do.





If I try to roll back over and go to sleep disregarding the communication it just plays over and over in my head until I reluctantly reach for the pad of paper and pen I always have by the bed and begin to transcribe it. Then, after about 30 or 40 minutes it feels finished. No more words are coming. I am infused with a feeling of supreme satisfaction. But by that time I’m wide-awake anyway.

Later in the day I may re read the writings or I may not think to pick them up for weeks. When I do re read them I feel amazed by the clarity, content, and sense of intense well-being. At that point I always feel enormous gratitude that I get to do this job… of course this usually much later in the day, after I’ve taken a nap.

Today “they” (25 years ago when I was first contacted after a near-death experience (see the introduction to the first book Unbound for that story) “they” did not refer to themselves in the singular, me/I/him/her, or by a particular name, but rather as a conglomerate energy force identified as Christ Consciousness us/we. I can tell you that as a Jew (non practicing), wife, mother (practicing) when Christ Consciousness was announced as the author of these messages it might surprise you but I was less than thrilled.

In truth I hid these messages for months, not daring to share them with family or friends for fear of being considered seriously deranged or mildly schizophrenic. This is all past history, but relevant for what “they” are saying). are referencing the fact that I have just returned home to my small bungalow on an island in the south of Thailand after being away for a few months visiting my mother and daughter in the U.S.

The changes that have occurred to this remote island over the past decade that I’ve been living here are unimaginable. When I first arrived on the beach in 1997, walking out of a solid 32 year marriage and away from a life of status and privilege, there was less than nothing of “the world” here; no TV, radio, newspapers, telephones, DVD’s, no hot water, flushing toilets and no electricity much of the time. There were, however, spiders the size of dinner plates, deadly cobras, scorpions and vicious wild dogs that defended their territories to the death.

But, naturally, there were also breathtaking, sunrises and sunsets, tropical palm trees and an ocean less than 10 feet from a very primitive hut I called my first home. YIKES. I had to find a whole new way of being, and of course that was the purpose of my move. In the beginning I felt like I had literally landed on another planet and so it made perfect sense that the Thai government considered me an alien.

I did not come to this island with a lot of romantic notions of escaping the complexity and competition of western civilization in favor of the simplicity of a native paradise. I came here as a last resort, an ultimatum to the universe, a shaking of my fist at existence, the drawing of a spiritual line in the sand.

Show me your fucking face God or I’m going to kill myself. At that time I still existed under the serious misconception that God cared about what form this body called Dorien might decide to take. HA! Death as our final exit; God’s greatest source of laughter.

And I am happy to report I didn’t have to kill myself, (nor was the “goodness we call God” so offended by my language that I was smote down as punishment) and that God does indeed exist, just not as previously pictured by this personality called me. More illusions bite the dust. I was becoming dis-illusioned daily.

On the personality level it seems that is my job description; confront illusions that lie (optimal word) inside this mind as unquestioned assumptions, beliefs, opinions, and expectations. Pretty exhausting work considering this could also be considered the very definition of Dorien.

Which gets us back to the beginning of today’s writing which seems to be referencing how the western ways have found a new home even here in this once “backward beach”. When I moved here the Thai people had never heard of hamburgers, now we have MacDonald’s and Burger King. When I moved here I could only get instant Nescafe in a cup of luke warm water, now we have Starbucks and Black Canyon Coffee. When I first moved here…well you get the picture.

So the writing is talking about the confronting of illusion through the extending of personal peace. It’s saying that whatever we see outside of ourselves and judge as unacceptable are our orphans or estranged aspects of our own Essence. This, of course, is the definition of projection. Not much new here unless you are willing to walk your talk and cannibalize your own unconscious creations. That could be news on the groovy spiritual love, and light path.

It’s possibly time to call these outcasts home back to the heart of us. The way to do that is through spacious acceptance or love, rather than any reactive or interactive expression. Easier said than done, since “who I think I am” Dorien as ego identity, is primarily a reactive, judgmental, righteous personality, with an overriding impulse to correct and control. Now don’t confuse this honest assessment for low self-esteem. I deeply, completely love myself as I AM.

I learned this lesson of true love the old fashion way…I sat alone on a beach without one worldly distraction and I cried so hard I would throw up. What was under that were all my unexamined fears, doubts, despair, delusional thoughts, uncontrollable emotions, dashed dreams, and unfilled desires and I let them kill “me”.

After nearly four years of this complete annilahation of identity, I was ready to really release the last vestiges of what I believed to be my hold on sanity. It’s been said that when the student is really ready…a six-foot tall, Dutch woman in a red bathing suit walking with the aid of a crutch will be visiting your beach from India. She looked into my eyes and asked me a very simple question, the answer to which ruined “me” forever. “Are you really ready to know who you are? Do you really want to find God”

Taro and I sat and investigated together (Satsung) as she pointed to the Truth of Who I Am. What I found was Nothing. I wasn’t a nothing, I was the nothing. Spacious awareness; Presence as direct experience, moment-to-moment ISNESS. Well that was cool, but now what?

How does Presence provide peace through the contraction called Dorien in Samui? Ummmm. It appears as an ongoing willingness to open to what is, while who I AM consciously chooses not to feed the reactive patterns perceived as a separate “myself”.

Now, if you ask me how I’m doing in this job I’d have to say…to be continued (eternally).